Bulls-Nets: IT'S A GLOG!!!

9:30 P.M. EST - I'm in my brother's room, watching the Bulls-Nets game online. He's watching Family Guy; I'm not sure what shocks me more: how bad this show is or the fact I used to like it and whined for years to have it returned to the airwaves.

9:32 P.M - That ESPN.com story about the former high school quarterback (Matthew Conley) who died in Iraq is a good one. It details the reaction and new life for his widow, Nicole, and their daughter, Catherine.

Now, just a short aside: Nicole is kinda hot. Just saying.

9:34 P.M. - The Bulls are up 24 at the half. Larry Hughes managed to make four of his nine shots, and the bulls held the Swamp Dragons to only 8 points in the second quarter. Before the game, as early as yesterday, I said that "the Bulls will go up by 30 in this game, and subsequently blow the lead and only win by 8." So, I'm still waiting for Larry to realize that he's only missed five shots.

Quote from Larry Hughes' mother in a Chicago Tribune article:

"I tell him, 'You're not going to be the poster child for the NBA. You may not be No. 1 in shooting. But your ability to take care of your family, that's a gift from God.' "

Larry does not listen to his mother. His response:

"Bitch, please. I can take care of my family, but I can also be the poster child for the NBA and I AM the No. 1 shooter in the NBA."


9:40 P.M. - Back to the studio for the Bulls halftime show. The cast: sohme douchebag host, Norm Van Lier, and lo and behold, KENDALL GILL! Totally forgot he was on the Bulls halftime crew.

9:41 P.M. - That's the shortest halftime show I've ever seen. Kendall didn't even talk.

SECOND HALF

9:57 P.M. - Nice Larry Hughesesque miss by Vince Carter. Twenty-foot step back fade away jumper that just grazed the rim.

10:00 P.M. - Marcus Williams with a steal.

No, not a laptop, silly. A basketball. During a game. This game.

10:02 P.M. - Richard Jefferson is pretty good. It's too bad for him that for whatever reason, he's entered the group of players which fans think are much older than they actually are. RJ is only 27, but you hear announcers and analysts say things like "RJ can still play" and "RJ has been around for awhile but can still get the job done."

I'm not sure who else is in this group; I've yet to think about it. Shawn Alexander (29) and Derek Fisher (33, looks and seems 40 and was somehow in the 1996 draft with Kobe!) are the first to come to mind.

10:07 P.M. - Lay up by Carter brings the Nets within 11. Knew it was coming; at least it's in the third quarter and not the fourth. Time for Hack-a-Boone.

10:18 P.M. - Big play in the game: 3.9 seconds left in the 3rd, Bulls up 11. They need points here, since they've been outscored 73-33 in the fourth quarter the last two games. Hinrich's inbounds apass is long, Gordon jumps for it, gets tackled by Jefferson; no foul. Ugh, we enter the fourth with the Bulls only up 11. I sense a disaster coming.

10:25 P.M. - Richard Jefferson has a penis head.

10:26 P.M. - And I heard he was gay.

10:27 P.M. - I hate rooting for Kirk Hinrich. His name is Kirk. He went to Kansas. Is there anything to like about him? Meanwhile, Kirk hits a three, the Bulls are up 14 with 10 to go, and that midget posing as the Nets coach calls timeout.

I'm going to be so pissed of if Hinrich ever ends up on the same team as Dirk Nowitzki. Well, half pissed, half ecstatic that in 20 years, I'll be able to buy a "Kirk and Dirk" shirt on ebay. It will feature superhero caricatures of the two playing together. Can't wait.

10:31 P.M. - Larry Hughes fade away three to put the bulls up 15. See mama, I told you I was the best shooter in the NBA.

10:32 P.M. - Another steal for Marcus Williams. This time, he pick-pocketed Hinrich, then proceeded to miss the easy lay up on the other end.

Not the first time Williams has been unsuccessful after a steal. HA!

10:33 P.M. - Dunk by Deng; Bulls up 19. This shit is over. Fuck you, Kid Butterball.

10:37 P.M. - Larry must sense that the Bulls have this one in hand. He's taken bad shots on the last two possessions, leading to two Marcus Williams threes. Looks like Marcus is trying to steal this one from the Bulls. Score!

10:41 P.M. - Deng lost his shoe. I think Marcus Williams tried to steal it.

I'm really on tonight.

10:43 P.M. - Bulls up to 99 points. One more, and the whole crowd gets a free Big Mac. When I used to go to Bulls games, it was a free Taco from Taco Bell, which is a much better prize in my opinion.

Of course, back then, the Bulls would score 100 points much more often, and Chicago would be flowing with those hard shelled pockets of processed diarrhea.

10:47 P.M. - Bulls are up 19 with 1:30 left. Neither Chris Duhon nor Aaron Gray has played. I'm not saying these two things are related. But they are.

10:50 P.M. - Demetris Nichols for three! Oh shit.

This reminds me: EAT SHIT, Jim Boeheim. Enjoy the NIT for the second straight year. That's what you get for blowing me off at Big East Media Day FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT YEAR. So you beat Robert Morris tonight in the first round of NIT? Well done.

10:50 P.M. - Game over, Bulls win, 112-96. PA system blasts "Another One Bites the Dust." right, ANOTHER one. It's unbelievable, but the Bulls haven't won 3 games in a row all year.

They improve to 27-40, 2 games behind Atlanta for the last spot in the East. What a conference!

10:51 P.M. - Sideline reporters are inherently useless. They're even more useless when they're ugly. The Bulls' sideline reporter's name is Gail; that tells you enough.

10:52 P.M. - Oh, it's Pat Boyle and Norm Shanowski back in the studio. Coming up on Land Rover Sports Nite: How did the Cubs projected lineup fare against Kansas City today? Pretty fucking good, I would guess.

Alright, that's it. This blog was almost as bad as one of those "Glogs" on CBS Sportsline. But not quite as bad.